Anyone who may be with me (does look like I've got 30 or so hits so far, this is weird):

When I am at my most manic, I go all Anti-Christ/Omega Man/Full of Shit basically. When I get angry, I scare the hell out of people around me. My voice deepens and takes on this vibrato that can penetrate concrete. Where this fury comes from is beyond me. Most of the time, and historically in my life, I am easy-going and passive (to a fault). Also, quite gullible (I'll believe anything, almost).

I have to wonder where this obsession came from. I was raised in a quite normal, middle class (Dad sort of went upper middle class, but only lived with him for a year), well educated and tolerant family. We were not religious, at all. We did discuss it often though, usually in very disparaging terms. I loved Bertrand Russell! Still do. The one thing I will say, is I have had this weird REVULSION against religion for as long as I can recall. It just pisses me off to such a huge degree, I often feel every organized religion on earth should be abolished. But, how does one convince billions of people to give up their core beliefs? However delusional they may be. And who am I to judge another's delusion when I so clearly have several of my own?

It makes my head hurt.

One day, last March, I decided to break out Dad's old Bible and actually read Revelations. There, I came across Jesus saying that he is the alpha and omega. I immediately connected with his words (are they really 'his words'? yes, they are in red; but how many transcriptions from someone's memory/translations/permutations have they gone through over the years? Did Jesus even exist?). I started to think of him as my brother, or even my alter ego. Jesus, the Alpha/dominant/progenitor of 'the church': Me, the Omega/passive/destroyer of 'the church. Just two little old book-ends, to bracket a time in our history.