After hanging out my blanket to dry this afternoon, I finally settled down to heat up some soup. I was thinking myself into one of my 'whoa is me, this is hell all this emotional overload and constant ideas/concepts overloading me' - moods. A voice, mine I suppose - the sane part of my mind - said to me "You know Rob, you don't have to choose this reaction." I got into a back and forth with 'it' and realized that I often make poor choices when 'picking' an emotional state to be in. It is like that, for me at least; I pick one and deal with the consequences. I'm sick of unintended and harmful consequences. So, I will endeavor to be more careful when manipulating my moods. And I do mean manipulate; my roommate Jeri once asked me if I may be addicted to my own brain chemistry - she told me just what 'I' had reminded myself of today. I choose to be manic, to be high. I can literally think myself into what is very similar to an Acid or Mushroom trip at times. I've been asked here, while out and about, 'are you on something Rob?'; and I answer, honestly, NO! My eyes get the big pupils and I'm just Mr. Personality Plus when in this mode. I've been asked, also, 'What did you do to this place?' a time or two. Wherever I was (think, a bar!), became this vortex of manic, super-excited socialization. Back when I was young, I could get a dance floor going --- I'd go out alone and soon more and more were around me, as the beat and our gyrations got wilder and weirder.
Wow, this is wandering all over my past. Hmmmm.
It is as if I have to learn how to be human, at every moment. I don't think I know sometimes.
Guess I need more downloads of data! One can never have enough I suppose....
I'm tired out for now, maybe more later.
Love, Peace, Joy - to ALL.
OmegaMan
RtTBt
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